Doldrums

I often wonder about doldrums. I mean those times of life when you feel like everything is of no real count. This can even happen regarding things we love most, most of the time.

Church, or other perfunctory things we do from habit, seem most susceptible. We go, we sit, we see, we do: very little changes. Does more, or new, or different, or exciting make better? What is the "it" we seek that makes the doldrums go away?

One of my favorite teachers, Dr. Bill Ury, once talked about the difficulty of grading. He was diligent and caring, never one to make us think we were a bother. He only meant to be honest about life, and he was probably answering an overly-serious question with grace, as was his frequent role in life.

I understand now, by-the-way, how difficult grading must be. The best of students produce worthy material as do the most mature and wise. But even then there is the "too-much-said," "the over-weaning," "the missed-the-point." And most of all the plain drudgery of dealing with familiar material once again requires a discipline that must be akin to that required for eating dirt.

As he reflected on it, though, he used a sweet turn of phrase: "You must do the drudgery if you would have the ecstasy."

We love ecstasy, that which brings us out of stasis, that which saves us from the doldrums. But I am not sure "saves" is the right way to think on it. Setting all that aside -- and Dr. Ury is right as far as it goes -- I think doldrums are necessary and unavoidable, and they develop in us a willingness to press on if ecstasy never comes.

This is too much for me. I hate feeling down, ready to quit. But it is the pit that brings me to my knees, that lets me know again what matters, that helps me re-orient my life. The doldrums help me cry out for the true and good and beautiful. They make me ask God again to tune my heart to sing His praise.

The point? If you skip church because of the doldrums you coddle the sickness while ignoring the cure. God is the cure for all that ails us. Yes, all. Neglect His house, the place dedicated to turn your attention to Him, and there will be far more cause for doldrums.

That's how it seems to me. I need excitement, I suppose. And I need to be healthy in mind, will, and emotions. But most of all I need God, and it does me good to remember that on this happy doldrum day.