My friend, Roger, explained how reverb
works in recording. “While playing in a room with normal recording,
that is recording as heard in 'the house', there will be reverb: the
normal echoes and bouncing of sound the ear is accustomed to. Then,
when the recorded music is played back in a room, especially the same
room, the reverb is doubled and can be unmanageable to the ear.”
The same happens in our relationships,
especially those 'in the house.' We have all kinds of reverb going on
in our souls and minds. We see shortcomings that trip us up. We can't quit a bad habit, we feel cantankerous most
of the time, or we are self-critical without relief. This creates
reverb. It bounces around within and drags us down in self-imposed
defeat.
Then, the inevitable happens. Our
faults, for which we already feel deep pain and which cause no
small bit of internal noise, irritate those closest to us.
Well-meaning, having borne with us for long days and years, they do
not mean to add to the noise. But often that is exactly what happens. Either we assume they feel this way, or they actually say it: “Must you
really keep doing that? Is something wrong?”
Now the sound is doubled and
spills out, either silently or in painful words: “Want to know what's wrong? I'll tell you what's wrong.
You! If you would leave me alone we'd be ok!”
And so it goes, one pain feeding
another, rebounding, unmanageable, painful to the ear, devastating to
the soul.
There is a better way. Take it to the
Lord in prayer. Let him heal both the self-talk and the behaviour it
breeds.
How does he do this? Time, talking,
others, learning. There is no other way but the the patience and
quiet and taking it on the chin when others object, learning to help them bear the burden you yourself have helped cause. Without this we
never grow. But when we give up our selfish desires and refuse to
insist on our own way we die the death of Psalm 126, putting the seed
of self in the ground.
And then, as with all seeds, “the corn of
wheat” comes to life and we find a harvest of joy, bitter tears
forgotten.
Relational reverb is real and when it doubles we
can't live with it for long. Learning the peace of Christ brings the
sound of forgiveness which doubles joy instead of pain.
